24 January, 2010

"sad eyes"

I was recently told, by someone whom was upset after being on the phone and tromping around the apartment, that to more effectivly help said person calm down and feel better I should not use the "sad eyes". While I see the point of this, I'm still in anger mode at this point, so allow me a small rant.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

What am I supposed to give you, happy eyes when for the last hour you've been texting and on the computer and being frustrated with people on the phone because you're trying to figure out your loans? No, happy eyes do not qualify, nor any other type of excited, gleeful, charming, cute or anything remotely connected to happy.
You've already said that you hate sympathy, so those eyes are out.
How about angry eyes? No, that doesn't work either, and you know why? Because then you would be angry both at the other person, yourself, and me. We could all stew together in a little cloud of angry. And YES, I AM ANGRY right now. Why? Because we spent the entire afternoon/evening watching a stupid game that I have no interest in WHATSOEVER, and you didn't even watch half of it because you were on the computer or the phone. We could have done so much of something! We could have spent time together. We could have done anything other then be TV zombies.

So what eyes AM I supposed to give you? Huh? Maybe I should just leave and not even try. Or just start yelling at you, since that's what you do to me.

Thanks for the weekend, I think.

24 November, 2009

Doesn't it make you shiver?

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar
Doesn't that hit too close to home
Doesn't that make you shiver, the way things could have gone
And doesn't it feel peculiar
When everyone wants a little more
So that I do remember to never go that far
Could you leave me with a scar

I must be on a Missy Higgins kick lately, but this one also has fantastic lyrics, and a great melody if you haven't heard it.
But the lyrics hit a chord with me this week, maybe because I've been catching up with some friends from high school. Doesn't that make you shiver, the way things could have gone. We were talking about high school times and how different we are now from the people we were back then. Stop and think about it yourself for a second.
Brrr! It's a little strange isn't it? Even if you haven't made any major life changes (like I have) since then, you're a different person now. You've experienced new things, probably gotten some new perspectives on life, become a little less naive, lost some innocence. It's strange to think about. Are you still in touch with the same people? Are your plans and goals still the same? If you're like me, I do get shivers thinking about how life would be so different if it would have gone the way that I was thinking after high school.
However, as Missy points out, you get the scars. You aren't stuck with them, they aren't something you need to endure. Those scars are there for a reason. They remind you where you have been, and where you never ever want to go again. They're a warning, and perhaps a reminder of how blessed you are to have the scars, and not the open wounds.

On a lighter note, it's Thanksgiving! Which means a break from work, and some time to spend with family. Have a great weekend everybody!

17 October, 2009

A little unbroken

This is the day that everything changes/and your world stops turning/running straight into the brake lights/you've come to nothing/This is the day that everything changes/and your worlds collide/and you know in time you'll awake to find/you're a little unbroken.
I think that everyone has that realization moment. That you wake up one morning, or you look around one day, and you just realize. What you realize...that's the part that's different for everybody.
I've been thinking a lot lately about growing up. When do you grow up? When you get your first job? Move out and get your own place? Start paying your own bills? Get married? Have children? It seems that people always want to stay young: "I never grow up"..."I'm still young at heart". Is growing up when you start realizing that it's not all about you? When you start caring for other people, and putting what they want and need above what you want or need?
The above lyrics are from a song titled "Unbroken" by Missy Higgins. I think my brake lights came earlier this month, when I first realized that I was used to getting up and falling asleep by myself. I am used to living by myself now. No roommate, no parents, no dog -- Me. And it's true -- I am a little unbroken. It's not a bad thing, but it's a strange thing. It's a good thing to be out on my own, and I love it! But it seems like I've lost something...and unbroken is the only word to describe it. I'm not broken, but I feel like I've lost pieces somewhere. And I don't know how to find them...because I'm not sure what they are. Maybe that's all part of growing up. Losing things, forming new things, molding old things to fit with what's new. I guess that's the chance you take, growing up.

16 October, 2009

Homecoming

I think it's funny how you can have so many homes. Maybe it's just a sign of growing up - that you've put out roots somewhere. I have at least four, maybe five homes - and one of them is wherever I can be with friends and have a good time. And that is tonight! Dinner out, Harvest Ball, and just having a lovely time with some of the best people anywhere.
I'll probably have more thoughts later...but it's late. Goodnight!